Expectations

As I mentioned in my last couple posts, I am a reluctant pastor's wife. In the time that has passed since I wrote those posts, God has been teaching me a few things about expectations.

Each week I prepare myself, and my children, to physically attend a church service on Sunday morning. I make sure my shirt is still clean after serving breakfast to the masses, I ensure that my easily distracted child has actually brushed his teeth, and that we have our bag of quiet activities for my youngest son. We drive to church and I anticipate the various parts of the service. The worship set, the announcements, the message etc. However, I don't specifically expect to hear from God during the service. And, in the past few weeks, the Lord has been convicting me of my lack of expectation.

As I've been trudging through my thoughts, several things have come to mind. To begin, the church building is my husband's place of work. The building is filled with his boss, and the leaders, who have authority over his position. The reality of that, means that it is a place where I want my chilldren and I to present ourselves well. That means that my stress level runs high as I try to manage my people in the best manner possible. It doesn't feel like a place where I can come as I am and expect an encounter with the living God (I'm not saying it shouldn't feel like; just that it doesn't at this present time).

My struggle deepens because I know what it's like to have a church that feels like home. A place where you literally breathe easier just upon entering the building. A place where people may be watching and judging but you actually just don't care. A place where you freely cry as you listen to the voices of fellow believers worship with all their hearts. A place where the message convicts you but you are readily reminded of the gracious grace He gives. And a place where I do expect to hear from God during the service.

For now, God has called our family to our current church and He wants me to expect to hear from Him at each service. I can see how I've been selfish by focusing on me during the service; it was never meant to be about me. I continue to be grateful for His limitless grace and mercy.