A Few Honest Thoughts About Being a Pastor's Wife

Like everyone, I have many titles to my name.  Child of God, daughter, sister, friend, mother, teacher, wife.  My very least favorite title is that of a pastor's wife.  When I got married nearly two decades ago, I married a teacher.  Over time and through a variety of God circumstances, my husband became a pastor.

I confess that I had my own visions of what being a pastor's wife looked like and some of them were not far off.  My experience has been that the old saying of living your life in a fish bowl is entirely accurate.  Our small congregation watches everything about our family.  They evaluate, criticize when they feel justified to do so, and speculate about all aspects our lives.

I understand that the congregation watches us and I'm used to it after all these years.  I do my very best to be a good example of Godly character.  I have been intentionally teaching my children, since birth, Godly character traits along with a hefty dose of quality manners and respect.  I expect them to conduct themselves well in formal, and informal, settings alike.  I've come to terms with the fact that they are being watched and judged at all times, it simply comes with the territory.

The hard part though, is that we are watched, and judged, and criticized with little to no grace.  In a way that flat-out feels unfair, we are somehow held to a higher standard than the congregants hold themselves.  There is no grace for the cranky toddler cutting two year old molars or the fidgety six year old still learning self-control. There is no grace for the weary mama who must unexpectedly dash away from a conversation because one of her children needs her immediate assistance.

As you watch your pastor's wife, and his children, please keep in mind that they are sinners saved by grace just as you are.  They may be in ministry but they are in no way divine beings.  They are undeniably human with infinite flaws.  They have committed themselves to enduring your scrutiny because they care about the welfare of your eternal soul.  They will gladly accept all the love and grace you are willing to bestow upon them.